TRAVEL like a Real Man.

The stale, cold air begins to blend with the sterile notes of cheap furniture freshener  and floor cleaners. The luminous hospital-ish lighting makes the cheap magazines on the table say, "I'm cool, read me...we are only 5 months late". Well, this airport lounge really can't get any more mundane. With finger sized foods and open bar...maybe the 6 hour layover in Dubai can't be that bad. Yet, its 11pm, the flight is at 5am and at this point, 3 meters of snow does not seem th....oh, wait. nvm.

So it has been quite some time  since I have not indulged the ever-so-many guests reading. But from the most uncomfortable seat at this airport, I can say these trips I have been on for the past two months have been anything sort of spectorible. So I present to you a guide list to travel that I will be setting up every month called;

THE GPS(Global Priority Sectors)

No long words..straight to the point…

The bar/ club you just walked into was suggested by your current villa info desk or some random peasant. Yes, it was at a good show of people yet you noticed some subtle details that have your senses hinting about that 180 degree turn you should have made five paces ago. The first thing you find awkward is that people are in gender clusters, second, you can honestly mistake anyone in the room as an employee of the bar, third, the music is as unbearable as the voice of that chalk board whom just asked you if you wanted to sit.

Scared about the rest of the night? You should be, because even if you make the best of what you have, you cannot make an edible cake with baking soda, you’ll kill the guests.

So make a logical, executive decision and leave.

The Global Priority Sector will give you a good description on where you are and where you are going; underground bars that have no names, restaurants that only serve a fortunate few and clubs that don’t leave you thinking that the 350 euro you spent on a bottle would better serve your morality by sponsoring a child for a year.  So you will get the Dirk Diggler. Savvy?

Montreal to Paris

If you are ever thinking of getting out of your warm and secure cocoon next to your 75 year old dog Pookie which you have spent your paycheck on getting his prosthetic leg, and fly to Europe; this is the fine print that most airlines will not tell you as they love to take snap shots of your face at the check-in counters while later taking a good HA-HA and drinking that 28 year OBAN single-malt scotch whiskey your French grandfather asked for.

PACK LIGHT - good god man, you are going to the land of clothing and textiles that are cheaper then the 200 you spent on the Harry Rosen shirt. Why oh why are you packing for your demise? So, unless you are on a gold, exec class. the total KG is 24. No use winking at the counter girl...she doesn't pull the strings in this operation. BEST case senario, bring a medium size suit case AND and carry-on size suit case. Perfect, you are on your way to dance with the Moulin Rouge girls

82 Boulevard de Clichy  75018 Paris, France 01 53 09 82 82

FYI.

You can bring another carry-on plus a computer. If it doesn't look like a computer case, even though you have a computer in it, they will snobbishly rebut your solicitation to let you on board. So, you've made it into the terminal and await your boarding. Try to walk around until you board, you know what varicose veins look like? Like steroids misused. This is the cause of sitting and having too much pressure on your legs, remember circulation is your friend. Well, ready for a 7h flight? They better serve alcohol. (all European carriers do. Hey Air Transat. You cheap basterds).

to be continued.

Stay well-groomed my friends...