Cooking: Like a Real Man

So, you have recently found that your stomach has now begun to have allergic reactions to the fruity loops that you have been filling your stomach with every morning . And the mere sight of another Eggos crepes with unmanly Nutella has you stare out the window and sigh. Your 1pm sandwich now looks like a crowded smugglers boat set on fire and the 8:30 pm dry chicken is now a throwing weapon you carry on your runs to keep away hungry dogs. If you are experiencing one of these examples then try something to make your life a little more exciting than when your sister brought that horrible creature she calls your nephew into your 300square meter studio in Paris…Non?.

With a somewhat healthy, original meal and easy to make instructions you will be on your way to woo whatever you happen to have for breakfast, second breakfast, elevensies, luncheon, apperatif, dinner and 'apres-fetes'.

Lets start with something simple (we don't want a nerve ending to snap). So you think you know how to make pasta? No. Why don't you lay this recipe on for a Friday night date yeh?

We are going to make the following dishes:

1) Prosciutto tapas

2) Strawberry and Roncal with mixed greens

3) Penne Rigate alla chick-en Sorpresa


1) The prosciutto tapas are pretty much self explanatory and unless you been living as a cast member of Jersey shore, you'll know that Tapas go with fyyne wyyne. A nice Brunello or Pinot Noir would do the trick. Lay out the slices of meat on a wooden surfaced board or plate and roll the inner portion of french bread onto the meat, producing and small, rolled tapa. So you need to buy:

  • Prosciuitto (200g)
  • baguettes for two
  • Bottle of Brunello
2)  Strawberry and Roncal with mixed greens.
Mixed greens go on the bottom, then virgin olive oil, then sea salt, then everything else. If you think salad is unmanly then call it "Greens", sounds like something you eat after ze gym.
  • Mixed greens
  • Extra virgin olive oil
  • SEA salt (not table salt)
  • Sunflower seeds (no shells)
  • Sliced fruit (pear/apple/guava)
  • Strawberry
  • Sliced Roncal cheese
3) The main dish is meant to look expensive, so the mere sight of it should have your copine go gaga or at least make her stop texting in between meals.
What you need yo do:
Boil water with sea salt (about 5 table spoons..I know it looks like a lot).
Add pasta. Then in a separate pan add the virgin oil and wait until it gets hot and add half a tea spoon of crushed garlic. Wait until brown. Add minced, grilled chicken. then minced Onions and wait until they get to a gold brown color. Add minced tomatoes (three tomatoes) and crush them with a wooden spoon until the tomato juice has been squeezed out.
The magic happens here during the addition of the most ai ai.
Check on the Pasta..(if it is a bit hard then your done). Back to the sauce...During some stirring and the addition of Basal leaves (6) and pinches of, black pepper, paprika, rosemary are mooostly essential. And when she is not looking mix in a bit of concentrated chicken broth sauce.
Mix for 2 min, lower the heat and cover for 5 min.
Place pasta on plate and add sauce then, slice parmasano reggiano on top.
  • Penne rigate
  • Sea salt
  • Basal leaves
  • grilled chicken (one breast)
  • tomatoes (3)
  • garlic
  • extra virgin olive oil
  • half onion
  • black pepper
  • paprika
  • concentrated chicken broth
  • rosemary
  • Parmasano reggiano (not powered - see block of cheese in picture)
One more thing..presentation, presentation, presentation. If it doesn't look good, it probably doesn't taste good. Unless you are at a 2 dollar diner at 5am after dancing on the streets in Barcelona.
And that is it. If she does not say ' amazing' after the meal, then, you did something wrong or she is probably too used to village food (which might be your fault as well).
and stay well groomed my friends.

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